Can you relate to this?
If you can't, I hate you.. If you can, I hypocritically despise your weakness. There, that's me being honest, with a hint of sarcasm. However, it still doesn't help me make better decisions.
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| Alas. The female version of me. In cartoon form. In the 50s. |
THE PROBLEM
You see, the problem is I over-think things. Described medically as: analysis paralysis. Ever been there? From mundane decisions like "What color shirt should I wear today" to existentially mind-bending stuff like "What makes me happy" Or the classic "Who am I?" many of us decisionophobes struggle daily. And its not just in making decisions. Even worse perhaps, it's forming opinions. "Say, Eddie, Do you want pizza or sushi tonight?" "Um.. Pizza is good, but sushi is too.. hmm, I'm down for whatever, I suppose..". If I had a clone I would get him to slap me in the face every time I did that and say "Bad Edward. You're being a naughty boy".
On a practical level, there's a huge transaction cost every time I try and make a decision, as I expend energy and brain cells trying to figure it out, leaving me more confused than when I began. Also, being indecisive simply isn't sexy. Can't have that.
THE CAUSE
The thing is, it all comes from a good place. People unsure of their decisions are either afraid of asserting themselves, overly analytical, or a combination of both. I'm more of the latter, as I've never had a problem speaking up for myself, and feel comfortable in leadership roles. I just can't freakin' decide what to do! People in the overly-analytical category just want to try and make the best decision possible, and our ancestral monkey brains are the cause. In prehistoric times, a bad decision could turn you into lunch for some lucky sabre toothed tiger. However, the cosequences of most of the things we worry about now are disporportionaltely insignificant compared to how much we fret over them. We worry our asses off about whether or not it will rain tomorrow and if we should bring an umbrella to the beach. There's a disparity between the worrying mechanisms of our modern brain with the remnants of our ancient, lizard brain. An evoloutionary gap, if you will. Mind it.
THE RESULT
What does this problem result in? Generally unproductive, unhappy people. Barry Schwartz gave a great TED talk where he describes the "Paradox of Choice" and why having lots of choices makes us unhappy. Our modern world is the epitomy of choice. Even a hundred years ago your average person had very few choices, and If you told them that in the future you could customize the colour of your Hello Kitty limited edition Smartphone case, and get matching boots sent in the mail, they would either worship you as some sort of walking god, or instantly proclaim you a witch and burn you at the stake.
But I digress.
THE SOLUTION
There are several things I'm doing to help me make decisions. I think they will work for you too, should you be cursed with this terrible affliction.
1. Automate Mundane Decisions: Whatever decisions can be automated, must be automated. Have the same healthy breakfast every day. Wear the same clothes to work. Get an exercise program. Basically, take the guesswork out of the small stuff. Free up mental bandwidth so you can focus on the big stuff.
2. Know Thyself: If you're below 25 and don't know yourself, don't sweat it. I'm 28 and just barely beginning to make my first introductions. I keep a personal journal (besides this blog) where I write down thoughts about who I want to be. I think I'm starting to create a decent picture.
3. An Addendum to Point 2: I used to hate the idea of being typecast or labelled as something. I wanted to be free! Well, after some positive reframing, I realized, being categorized is good. Think niche and luxury rather than vague mass-market cheapness. As we get older, we play to our strengths, and this requires some sort of aceptance of your story. I love music but I'll never be a star because I can't sing, no matter how many music producers I sleep with or how much Autotune I blast over my hideous wailing. But I'm a pretty good writer, a people person, and good at training, so I did that and thrived. Finding who you are is a mixture of discovering your passion, and playing the hand you were dealt.
4. Forget The Haters: An integral part of decision making is forming opinions. How easily are you swayed by others? If you're anything like me, too much. There are two solutions. Either don't hang out with people who negatively affect your opinion making (acute solution), or strengthen your personal boundaries so others' opinions don't affect you (long-term solution). Both are integral to success. Just ask yourself. What DO YOU think?
5. Balance: Now, although it's not really possible to get too good at decision making, you can't let this newfound power make you evil. You should quickly make strong decisions, but use your brain. If someone clearly has a better idea or your one doesn't work, quaff your pride and do the right thing. Basically, don't be an asshole.
There. Rant officially over. And problem officially solved. Now I'll go and definitely make dinner at eight thirty PM consisting of chicken with broccoli and brown rice and have fruit for dessert, and then spend the rest of the evening reading Game of Thrones... I think.
